KM Snaps

Creative Pieces


The REAL Fairy Tale World

By Ben C.

Once upon a time, in land far, far away, was a fairytale world that is highly exaggerated as a nice place, it is far from nice. It is the most dismal and freakish place in the world. The land is burnt everywhere with giant potatoes growing out of the ground that eventually mutate into killer bananas. The lady we know as Mother Goose, is actually a bearded drag queen in a feathered costume. It consumes alcohol by the gallon and beats people with celery sticks. Oh and Father Time is just a bloody head that flies around with a watch in its mouth. Some of the information we have on Cinderella is correct. The blue dress, the blonde hair and the name is about all though. She is covered leprosy, has a jaw and teeth like a donkey, a bulging eye, six toes, a huge butt and farts all the time. She does get with Prince Charming, but he is just as hideous as Cinderella. Prince Charming's real name Sir Stinksalot. He is three feet tall, has size 30 feet, has a lisp, giant bulging lips, no teeth, an alcohol problem, he is bald, smells like fish and wears nothing but mini skirts. His wonderful stallion is a giant rat. Cinderella runs out the ball, not because it is midnight, but because an angry mob threatens to through her and Sir Stinksalot in a bon fire. Cinderella and Sir Stinksalot run away to live in misery and humiliation.

Another story that is highly untrue, is Pinocchio. Pinocchio was not carved out of wood or shaped to be a boy. It was carved out of Limburger cheese to be a mutant robot that goes back in time for some unknown reason. Gemini Cricket is actually a talking pie that spits tobacco. Both him and Pinocchio meet a grizzly death when Gepetto forgets snacks for the annual Super Bowl party and eats them both. Gepetto swallows them both, but their body parts form Gepetto into a super creature that kills catfish for some apparent reason.

This is Fairy Tale World, it may not be what you were looking for, but the truth is not always pretty. More information on fake fairy tales to come.

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